Note to self.

I need to find clarity.

I am slowly learning how to master my emotions. I no longer want to sway to their rhythms, or be a single instrument in a larger orchestra of feeling. I want to be their conductor. Getting there, however, requires a kind of practicality that has been foreign to me. I will play my own symphony without regaling myself to the tunes of others, or become fiddled by my own music, without ever learning how to play the notes.

I’d like to observe my emotions from a distance, without being in the eye of the storm, or a hurricane of these sometimes fleeting feelings. Navigating the hidden intentions of others, sometimes prevalent in this society, reflects on me the need to improve on my discernment. The face value of things has depreciated, it is no longer a valuable stock. I need to somehow counter this approach without losing value myself. The things I have struggled building must stand the test of time, they must act as the bulwarks that resist the erosion of my inherent values in relation to others and the world. I must steady my ship, I mustn’t give way to the things that threaten to usurp my will to live independently, as a being intrinsically capable of finding meaning and seeking reason out of my own volition.